Mausi Rishta leke aya hoon tere Basanti ke kiye

Mausi : To kya seniors se ladhta bhi hai..?

Jay : Ab 2 saal tak onsite Jane ko na mile to ho jaati hai kabhi kabhi
anban..
Mausi : To kya AB tak ek baar bhi onsite nahi gaya ..???

Jay : Ab Outdated technology ke developer ki kismat mein to yehi likha
hai mausi..
Mausi : kya kaha ladka Outdated technology mein kaam karata hai..!!!

Mausi : Kaunse college se padhai ki hai..?
Jay : Uska pataa lagte hi hum aapko khabar de denge!!
Jay : To main rishta pakka samjhuna mausi???
Mausi : Beta, kan khol kar sun Le...Sagi mausi hoon basanti ki, koi
sauteli maa nahi....Bhale hi hamaari Basanti Call Center wale Chandu
se shaadi kar Le par Satyam ke employee se katai nahin karegi .

DRVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM

DRVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM
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NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter.

He will give you the licen.

For instruktions, see bottom applikason.
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1. Last name:
(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_)
Dot no (Check karet box)
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2. First name:
(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_)
Dot no (Check karet box)
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3. Age:
(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_)
Dot no (Check karet box)
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4. Sex: ____ (Laloo) _____ (Rabri)
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5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right
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6.Occupason:
(_) Dacoit (_) Rapeist (_) Kidanapper (_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_)

Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed

(Check karet box)
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7. Number of children libing in the household: ___
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8. Read #7 agan & anser here: ___
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9. Mather name: _______________________
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10. Phather Name: ____________________ (don't leave blank)
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11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 .............. (Circle highest grade completed)
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12. Dental rekard:
(_) Ellow (_) Berownish- ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other
-__________ Give egjhakt color

(Check karet box)
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14. Ice seight:
(_) One Ice(2x1) (_) Two Ice(2x2) (_) Half blind (_) Day blind (_)
Night blind (_) 4/4 (_)6/6

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15.Your thumb imparesson :

(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy thumb impression also. Please provide your own thumb impression.)
*************

PELEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS

Use thumb on your lepht hand only. If you don't have lepht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.

NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE.

WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS

Once upon a time

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe),

He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.

As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No."

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.

Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"

Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.

The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give

Him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer

Asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!

Lessons in Logic ...

A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station....

What more can I say........

Lessons in Logic ...

A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station....

What more can I say........

Lessons in Logic ...

A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station....

What more can I say........

Don't leave your friend

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"

"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.

"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up."

The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

"Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have any water?"
"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."
"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.
"There should be a bowl by the pump."

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.
"This is Heaven," he answered.
"We ll, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."

"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell."

"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"

"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind."

One day a florist goes

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful.'

Then, a Member of Parliament comes in for a haircut , and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the Members of Parliament.

God's IVRS - "Inter-active Voice Response System"

Over the past several years, we have all learned to live with IVRS - "Inter-active Voice Response System" as a necessary part of modern life. I was just wondering what would happen if God decides to go hi-tech and installs voicemail? I gave it a lot of thought and came up with various scenarios:

Let us imagine a scenario. You dialed God's number.

"Hi! Thank you for calling God. Please select one of the following:
If you are Christian, dial 1
All Hindus, dial 2
All Muslims, dial 3
All others, dial 0."

So, lets say you are a Hindu and you dialed 2. Here is what you hear:
Press 1 for Requests
Press 2 for Thank you messages for God
Press 3 for Complaints about unfulfilled promises
Press 4 for All other inquiries.
If your prayers are still not answered, dial '0' and ask for Naradmuni."

Or, if all Gods were busy, you might hear this:
"We are sorry, all Gods are busy helping other Bhaktas and Sinners. However, your prayer is important to us and your prayer will be answered in the order it was received. Please stay on line. One of the Gods will be with you soon."

Or, it could even go this way when you start praying:
"If you know your God's extension, dial it now...."

Or, you might hear this:
"If you would like to speak to Ganeshji, Press 1.
For Lord Hanuman, Press 2.
For Lord Krishna, Press 3.
To confess your sins, press 4.
To ask for favors, Press 5."

Or, you might even hear this:
"You have reached Lord Krishna's extension.. I am going to be away to conduct a special yuddha to save the humanity and will be away until the year 2012. If this is something urgent and cannot wait until then, call Shankara at GB +44 779000020000 Call. If you want to speak to someone else, for other gods' directory, Press 6 now."

Or you might even hear something like this if you call toward the end of your life cycle:

"If you think you have reservations at our Heavenly Resort, please provide your name, social security number and be ready to provide the proof of your eligibility. If you do not have the proof of eligibility, please dial 420-HELL and ask for General Manager Ravana, who will be happy to help you."

Or, depending on the purpose of your call, you might hear this:
"If you are calling to find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven, Press 5, enter his or her 'mantra' number, then press the 0 key. If you get a negative response, try area code 420-HELL."


For all you know in this day and age of quotas and all, you might even get a response like this:
"Our computer records show that you have already prayed once today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow..."


Or you might even here this if you call on the wrong day:
"This Main Office of Heaven is closed for DIWALI holidays. If this is an emergency, you may try our Himalayan Retreat in the mean time by dialing 6000-31,000."


So, let us hope and pray that God never learns about computers And IVR systems - because if he does, we are in BIG trouble!

Doctor Certified

Doctor Certified

Certified that Mr. /Miss ____________ _____ , working in your organization, is suffering from 'time-bound' illness. Due to this, he will NOT be able to work more than 8 hours a day and 5 days a week. Any attempt to stretch beyond this timing will lead to severe health problems. The losses to the company due to medical reimbursements will be far more compared to the gains made by stretching beyond 8 hours.


It is also warned to keep my patient away from any kind of shocking news such as " Come over weekend..", " Let's work on holiday..", " Leave cannot be granted. ." etc. Which can directly lead to heart strokes.


In view of the above, it is strongly recommended to adjust your deadlines in accordance with the convenience of my patient.


Sd/-

Dr. Impatient

Cyber Clinic

Two traveling angels

Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family.

The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room. Instead the angels were given a space in the cold basement.

As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied... "Things aren't always what they seem".

The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife.

After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field.

The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel "how could you have let this happen!? The first man had everything, yet you helped him," she accused. "The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let their cow die."

"Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied. "When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall.

Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it. Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave her the cow instead. Things aren't always what they seem."
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Sometimes this is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You might not know it until some time later.

Two traveling angels

Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family.

The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room. Instead the angels were given a space in the cold basement.

As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied... "Things aren't always what they seem".

The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife.

After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field.

The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel "how could you have let this happen!? The first man had everything, yet you helped him," she accused. "The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let their cow die."

"Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied. "When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall.

Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it. Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave her the cow instead. Things aren't always what they seem."
*********
Sometimes this is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You might not know it until some time later.

To a business husband traveling

To a business husband traveling to India and back,Wife started reminding him how to benefit from such trips, buy and bring things for cheap from foreign.

She said, "When you are in India buy a few Sarees for me,On your way back when you stop at Dubai,Buy lots of jewelleries for me.And when you stop at Paris buy some perfumes for me."

The annoyed husband asked, "Yes, and when I stop at Hell what do I buy for you?"
The smiling wife said, "Just bring your Videos for our watching together!"

Men And Women

Men
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1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one Around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their Luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off If the women leaves them.
7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their Mistakes and still try their luck with others.
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Women
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1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive Clothes.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something To wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress Beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still Expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't Believe you

Parents

An 80 year old man was sitting on the sofa in his house along with his 45 years old highly educated son. Suddenly a crow perched on their window.

The Father asked his Son, "What is this?"

The Son replied "It is a crow".

After a few minutes, the Father asked his Son the 2nd time, "What is this?"

The Son said "Father, I have just now told you "It's a crow".

After a little while, the old Father again asked his Son the 3rd time,

What is this?"

At this time some expression of irritation was felt in the Son's tone when he said to his Father with a rebuff. "It's a crow, a crow".

A little after, the Father again asked his Son t he 4th time, "What is this?"

This time the Son shouted at his Father, "Why do you keep asking me the same question again and again, although I have told you so many times 'IT IS A CROW'. Are you not able to understand this?"

A little later the Father went to his room and came back with an old tattered diary, which he had maintained since his Son was born. On opening a page, he asked his Son to read that page. When the son read it, the following words were written in the diary :-

"Today my little son aged three was sitting with me on the sofa, when a crow was sitting on the window. My Son asked me 23 times what it was, and I replied to him all 23 times that it was a Crow. I hugged him lovingly each time h e asked me the same question again and again for 23 times. I did not at all feel irritated I rather felt affection for my innocent child".

While the little child asked him 23 times "What is this", the Father had felt no irritation in replying to the same question all 23 times and when today the Father asked his Son the same question just 4 times, the Son felt irritated and annoyed.

So..

If your parents attain old age, do not repulse them or look at them as a burden, but speak to them a gracious word, be cool, obedient, humble and kind to them. Be considerate to your parents.From today say this aloud, "I want to see my parents happy forever. They have cared for me ever since I was a little child. They have always showered their selfless love on me.

They crossed all mountains and valleys without seeing the storm and heat to make me a person presentable in the society today".

Say a prayer to God, "I will serve my old parents in the BEST way. I will say all good and kind words to my dear parents, no matter how they behave.